someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
