I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
