FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
