My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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