my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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