Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
