i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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