eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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