or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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