I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
