There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
