hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
