i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need water and some morals
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