Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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