im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
