i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
