currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
