they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
