He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
