If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
