he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
