That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
