Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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