if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
