My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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