the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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