The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
