Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
