remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
