Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
