Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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