I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
