i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
