think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
