Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
