Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
