So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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