Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
