i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
