My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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