I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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