Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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