she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
