There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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