He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
