Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
