no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
