it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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