An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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