The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
